The Mental Battle is Back

It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my ADD and how I deal with it. I recently have made some major changes in my life and this semester is many things for me. This week has been both good and trying.

I changed my major over the summer from English to Biology. Last semester was my first math class in a year or so. This semester I’m taking two biology courses and another math course. Last semester was chill because I was only taking the one math course that was super simple. This semester however, I can already tell will be the opposite of chill. The amount of studying I’ll have to do compared to what I was doing as an English major is like night and day. While I didn’t really have to take anything as an English major to get something done, except for a paper. This past week I’ve been taking my meds every morning because I have work to do. It has been two years since I’ve had to take something every morning. While I know how my meds affect me, it is going to take some time for me to adjust to taking it everyday. With more work, I’m going to be monitoring when it wears off and how my body will react to being back on it all day everyday. As always, I do lament about how my brain can’t focus on its own, but it’s just a fact of my life. It doesn’t help that the authorized version of the generic brand of ADD med that I get (it’s made by the brand name manufacturer and is the exact same as the brand name) has been blocked at my pharmacy. They can’t order it at all even if it is a special order. So I’m trying this new, not authorized generic (it’s FDA approved but doesn’t have the same release mechanism as what I take so it could be stronger, weaker, the same, IDK). This particular one I’ve been given has only been out since October last year and I haven’t seen anything good about it. So this weekend, I’ll be testing it out and if it doesn’t work I’ll have to talk to my physician. Not a happy camper.

Right now I’m low key feeling lost. I feel like I’m treading water, but barely. I also feel like the control I had is being taken from me, but I know I’ll get through it and come out the other side. Even though I feel this way right now, I know I have people in my corner and I think that’s an important thing for people to think about when they feel lost or down.

This whole week has just been so stressful for me in general. I’m a bit overwhelmed about the amount of work I’ll have to do and making a return to the lab. I couldn’t figure out what my math professor wanted from me (wtf is a written quiz) and I was so lost the first two days of class, so that was stressful. And then my biostat professor isn’t going to be here for three weeks, so we’re doing things online for the first three weeks of class. Lots of notes across the board and I feel so drained and tired. But it will be okay because I know I can get through this and everything that is a head of me. In the meantime, I’ll be listening to my “Take On The World” playlist on repeat.

Until next time, Sanders out.

[Random Note: Just to lighten the mood, this morning on my way to class, I saw three crows in parking lot standing around a piece of bread. Just standing around it looking at it, contemplating who would get it or if they would split it I suppose. Then one of the crows grabbed the piece of bread and flew off into the trees, leaving the other two just standing there looking off after him and then looking at each other (in my head they were three dudes). The following conversation happened in my head:

“Well George, whatta we do now?”

“I dunno, guess we better go find more bread.”

And at that point they both sort of just shrugged, if a crow can shrug, and wandered off. Anyway, that’s my story for the day.]

 

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